pad kee mao (drunken noodles)
Most of you probably have a standard dish you like to order for dinner at your local Thai takeout joint. John and I robotically call in an order for one pad see ew and one pad kee mao, both with veggie duck, and no utensils please, whenever we’d rather not cook. While these are staples on the menu of pretty much every American Thai restaurant I’ve ever been to, stir-fried noodle dishes are more of a street-food thing in Thailand. There are carts (and clusters of carts in what resembles a food court) that sell boxes of hot, spicy, greasy, cooked-to-order noodles throughout the night for about $1.50. No waiters, no cocktail menu, and no impressively designed restroom fixtures, as you’d expect in New York City. Just free outdoor seating on the muggy streets of Bangkok (or Udon Thani, where I also got a chance to scarf down some pad thai a few years ago).
Pad kee mao translates to “shit drunk noodles,” or in more menu-friendly terms, “drunken noodles.” When done right, it’s very spicy (unfortunately mine weren’t, thanks to weak ass supermarket jalapeños). But there is no alcohol in the dish itself. There are a few origin stories about the name floating around (as there are for plenty of other dishes):
- You’ll get really drunk trying to soothe your burning mouth with that beer in your hand
- You’d have to be drunk to be crazy enough to eat something this spicy
- The dish is a favorite among late-night partiers
- The chef was drunk and added too many chilies
- It’s a great hangover cure
It seems like every other pad kee mao blog post out there notes that these noodles are good enough to eat while sober. I have to agree.
6 to 8 oz dried rice noodles (or the fresh, wide kind)
8 oz protein of your choice, sliced or ground (chicken, beef, pork, shrimp, mock duck/seitan, tofu, etc. etc.)
1 to 1 1/2 bell peppers, sliced
1/2 small white or yellow onion, sliced
1 large clove garlic, minced
1 jalapeño or serrano pepper, or a few Thai bird chilies, chopped
2 small tomatoes, cut into wedges (optional)
2 eggs (optional)
2 tablespoons oyster sauce
3 tablespoons soy sauce
2 tablespoons fish sauce
juice of one lime
pinch of sugar
basil leaves (Thai basil if you can get it)
If using dried noodles, soak them in a large bowl of lukewarm (not hot!) water while you do all the other prep work. They should be pliable but not soggy.
Heat a big pan or wok over medium-high heat with some canola, peanut, or vegetable oil. Add whatever protein you’re using. Stir-fry until protein is mostly cooked through. Add onion, bell pepper, garlic, and hot peppers and cook until softened.
Add noodles to the pan, and mix in with the vegetables. They should soften up a bit. Add tomatoes.
Combine oyster sauce, soy sauce, fish sauce, sugar, and lime juice. Push all the noodles and vegetables to one side of the pan. Add sauce mixture to that space in the pan and bring to a simmer. Toss sauce with noodle mixture to coat evenly.
Push noodle mixture to one side of the pan again, and add eggs. Scramble them with a spatula. When they’re mostly cooked, stir into the noodles. Throw in some torn basil leaves (not shown).
