spaghetti made by drunk people
A couple weeks ago, I found myself sitting in apartment 5A, contemplating dinner with some of my favorite people. A trek to the biryani cart in Midtown? A short stroll to the grocery store to pick up ingredients for a Sunday night feast? Tacos from downstairs?
Three hours and a few bottles of wine later, our inaction gave our adventurously resourceful host Ashwin no choice but to scrape up whatever was edible in the kitchen to create a meal. I stood by as he began boiling water for pasta and chopping some vegetables. By the end of it, he had also created an “orange” sauce made with whole milk and canned tomato sauce, which we rounded out with a small squirt of agave nectar. We kept talking about impressing everyone with a secret ingredient, a concept on which I was so fixated that I barked “secret ingredient!!” everytime someone tried to guess.
Below is my best attempt at recording a recipe for this creation.
(serves 1 to 8, depending on how drunk you are and how many friends you have over)
2/3 of a 1 pound box of spaghetti
1 small red bell pepper, halved and seeded
1/2 small red onion, chopped
1 small bunch of asparagus, trimmed and cut into 2-inch pieces
3 large white mushrooms, sliced
about 1 teaspoon whole black peppercorns
olive oil
small pat of butter
a sprinkle of flour
about 1 cup of whole milk
lots of salt and black pepper
1 can of tomato sauce (not sure if the size matters)
3 cloves of garlic, minced
large pinch of Kashmiri mirch, a red chili powder (thanks Ash, for the update)
small squirt of agave nectar
a lot of freshly grated Parmesan cheese
6-8 Flamin’ Hot Cheetos®, crushed (secret ingredient!)
Cook pasta in boiling salted water, according to package directions.
Meanwhile, lightly roast the bell pepper in a dry skillet over medium-high heat. Once it begins to char, remove it and set aside. After it has cooled down, chop into bite-size pieces.
While the bell pepper is cooking, prepare the sauce. In a medium saucepan, melt butter over low heat. Add flour to create a little bit of roux. Add milk, and try to get all the lumps out. Let this janky bechamel heat through for a few minutes (long enough to tell a funny story about another friend), stirring occasionally. Season with lots of salt and black pepper. Add tomato sauce, garlic, and cayenne pepper. Let simmer while you prepare the vegetables.
In the same skillet that the bell pepper was in, heat some olive oil. Add peppercorns, letting them lightly fry for just a bit. Add onion and wait a few minutes, then add asparagus, then mushrooms. Saute until everything is slightly softened. Season with salt.
Stir grated cheese into the sauce. Taste it. Does it need more salt? No? But something’s missing right? Add a pinch of sugar. Oh, or agave nectar. That should work. Combine pasta with sauce and vegetables, coating evenly. Plate, and garnish with additional cheese and crushed Flamin’ Hot Cheetos®.
